Thursday, March 5, 2009

safe and sound

We arrived safe and sound into the waiting arms of PopPop...

Then the extra salty margarita at the beach while sitting with Grandma watching Beaker and JackJack played the sand. They were happier then I have seen them in a long time. As the buzz set in, the stress began to fade.

Follow that by a decedent seafood buffet... and it is the perfect day.

Nite all!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

8/40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

I am so excited.... In just a few hours Me and the kids will be in FLORIDA!


I am cheesing out on this post to get back to cleaning and packing. as you MAY remember, I am not the best when it comes to gettting readt to go away. Last year's post says it all!

Wish me luck and I will really write on vacation.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

7/40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

Where do I begin, I guess 7:30 am is the best place to start...

I was in the kitchen making coffee as it was going to be crazy day when my cell phone rang. I do not know why I answered, but I did. It was the local PD calling to let me, US, know my husband's van was taken last night by the finance company. SPEECHLESS. I will forever remember the moments before the phone call thinking how nice it was that he did not park van behind my car so I could get out easier. Oh how wrong I was....

It was SO much fun going back up to the bedroom and having to tell him the wonderful news. I was on my knees begging him not to hate me, to remember how he loved me and our family. I had trouble getting the words out of my mouth... They took your car last night. Ouch.

He was mad but it came in waves. He seemed OK at first but that must have been the shock, then slowly he became pissed. Oh how short lived that was! When he realized he book bag, wallet and iTouch (which he uses as a PDA) were still in the van, he lost it, really got angry. I don't blame him, I would be super furious with me and the situation too if I was him. He could hardly look at me let alone talk to me.

I finished getting the kids ready and got the kitten, the newly name Prince kitty, ready for his trip to the vet. I tried to call about the van but Ford was not open until 9am. I have to say, everyone on the phone was super nice, since I was humble and super nice to them... even the lady at the tow lot was great.

Lets just say the situation is fixable... pay the bill... get the van back.

Easy, simple... not so much.

(part 2 tomorrow)

Monday, March 2, 2009


I was reading Kelly's Korner a few moments ago and she linked to a blog about a beautiful little girl named Gracie. It seems she had a heart transplant not a month ago and it did not take. After much praying and talking with family & doctor's, Gracie's parents are going to release her back to heaven today.

I was reading and became NUMB! My heart is so pained for this family. On the 20th of this month, Gracie would have celebrated her first birthday. Now she will party with Jesus.

God bless the loving family and welcome Baby Gracie home!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

5/40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

Ok, another post about the Mommies... this is a call for prayers:

is a sweet young boy who is in his last days of battling the "beast" called Nauroplastoma. This cancer has been chasing him since September 2004, when he was only 2 years old. His father, Mickey has kept a blog full of stories, memories, celebrations and heart breaks since April 2007. It is very unique to read such an emotionally filled blog authured by a father. Mickey is a loving father, husband, avid runner and former Navy seaman.

I found out about this amazing family from The Riggs Family, their sweet daughter Abby is also in the throws of cancer. It brakes me to read about these families, how they suffer thought the pain of treatments, the recovery and the unknown.

Cody and his family are in such a sad place. This is a tremendously difficult time for them and any extra prayers you can send their way are much needed. One of their friends, Kirk, wrote an amazing blog post called Hug Your Kids. It speaks bluntly about Cody's illness, the love of a father to his son, and reminds us to take an extra moment to hug our kids.

And while you are in the praying mood, please send you prayers for Abby as she is having an allergic reaction to one of her antibiotics. She is in the middle of a nasty round of chemo which has left her body deeply vulnerable.

Thank you in advance for your prayers and if you get a chance, leave them a message of love and support.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

4/40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

Short and sweet... Enjoy!

Friday, February 27, 2009

3/40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

I love my Mommies!

Let me explain, about a year ago I was just starting to read blogs, searching all over the web for new and interesting reads. One evening after an hour or so of "playing" on line, I cam across the blog of a woman asking for prayers for her dear friend who had just given birth to still born twin boys, James and Jake.

I NEEDED to read more... over the next few days and then weeks my heart grew to love this mother, this stranger who had her future changed with the loss of two heartbeats. Beth is a hero to me. Her words have been raw and full of honesty. She used her blog to speak her truth, she bore her soul for us all to hold. Hundreds of readers all over the US and the world sent prayers and wishes of peace for this sweet young family. Beth is such an amazing writer, designer, and photographer. She is a loving mother and devoted wife who is trying to find a new normal. Last year her family and friends joined together to walk with the March of Dimes to raise money so that other babies born early may have a chance at life. This year, they are again walking for Kids and if you feel in the giving mood, please donate to Team James & Jake.

After reading about Beth and her story, I seemed to find other blogs full of painful honesty, deep faith and a longing to return to their life before loss. Below I will link you to some of my "favorite" Mommy blogs... These stories have moved me in a way only another mother can.

I worn you in advance, these sites are real life, read families and real heartache. You will cry, your heart will break and be put back together, and you may find yourself praying more as you find a deeper appreciation for your own blessings.

Beth @ I Should be Folding Laundry
Angie @ Bring the Rain
The Sponberg's @ Light your World
The Macs @ The Macs
Mar & Dan @ Reagan is our Joy
Melissa @ Our Boys

Thursday, February 26, 2009

2/40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

Welcome to day 2 of my 40 posts. I think I need to introduce myself...

My name is Barbara... On the surface I am a wife of 5 years, mother of a 4 year old daughter, Beaker and Jack Jack who is 2. We live in suburban New York with 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a snake. Our home is over 100 years old and in the middle of a full makeover. One day we will have paint on the drywall, a ceiling in our bed room and fresh siding to match the new roof we need. The kids rooms are 95% finished so life is not all un-taped drywall.

Deeper down I am an almost 39 year old woman living with chronic depression and ADD. I have spent years in therapy trying to sort out my life to no real change. I have recently started attending a 12 step program which I think may be the answer. With the help of that group and journaling on this blog I hope find some peace, a deeper sense of self, and maybe even begin to love myself.

Most days I feel useless, fat, ugly, sad, worthless, oh and did I say FAT... I am such a ball of laughs! But as I enter step 3 I pray that "Letting go and Letting God" will provide the support I need to change my life.

That good for an introduction? Night all!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

1/40 Days of Blogging

I am not sure what I was thinking, setting up this "Meme", "Blog Carnival", Mr. Linky deal. I am no major blogger, I have no followers. But something spoke to me to do this... I guess we shall see if it me alone on this quest for personal growth or if other bloggers will be hearing the call.

Tomorrow I will be introducing myself, putting my self out there for you all to see. Then over the next few days I plan to get deeper into what is going on in my world. I will be doing "McMama's "Not Me! Monday's" and "Wordless Wednesday's" as well as keeping up with my crafting blog.

It is ambitious I know, but doable. I need to findmyself and get back to a place where I feel peace and wholeness.

Mr. Linky!

I made a Button!

I am soooo proud of myself! I made a button for the "40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009" carnival. It may take a day for me to post the code for you, but I love how it came out.

What fun! I hope some of you... if there is anyone out there... will join in and blog with me.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009

To get back in the swing of my blog, I am "hosting" a carnival I am calling "40 Days of Blogging, Lent 2009" in honor of this magical season. I am not Catholic nor am I very religious, but I have a deep respect for the concept of Lent and what it represents... a time of reflection, prayer and change.

I will post more tomorrow.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

too long...

well, it has been a long time has it not...

perfectionism set in...

hard to write...

will be better...

miss my blog...


Friday, January 9, 2009


There is something we all have in common, PAPERWORK! I was reading I'm an Organizing Junkie today, and became inspired to share with you one of my favorite things. As I was working on the bills yesterday, I was filing at the same time. There are hundreds of ways to keep the backlog of old bills, invitation, and ticket subs in order.... Trust me, I have tried them all! You can file by category, detailed files by company name, or a simple shoe box of unopened envelopes, yet nothing seems so work.

I have ADHD, something that makes it hard to for me wrap my mind around things that are too complex, like large interact organizing systems. For years nothing really worked until I stumble across the perfect tool for me, the File-It calendar by Avalanche. I am able to keep all my papers and information in one simple place. Each month is a calendar page as well as a file folder. How more simple can it be! This is a "why-did-I-not-think-of-that" item... DUHHH!!! For about 4 years now I have used this product as my primary way of keeping life in order. I admit, I get lazy and revert to the the shoe box full of crap, but really is beyond easy to keep up on the daily, weekly, and monthly papers with this calendar.

How I make it work...

1) The bill goes in the file and the pay stub goes in a a pile to be paid. Also, if there is any tax information or other fincial papers, they get filed as well by month.

2) When we get an invitation, I write the event date on the calendar and place the invite in the folder. If there is a direction sheet (like for a wedding) or an RSVP card I am not ready to send, this too will go in the folder. Now when it comes the day of the event, we can easily find what we need to get to the party.

3) If we buy even tickets weeks or months in advance, they will be placed in the folder. A few years back, Hubby had tickets to a concert we bought way in advance. They were put in the July folder and the day of the concert, he could find them with ease.

4) At the end of the month, all the papers are in once place. You can either fold over the month and keep the file attached to the main calendar. Or you can rip the page/file off and place it in your much neglected file cabinet. This way at years end, you have 12 files full of any and everything you need to taxes and for your memories.

It is that simple... Just as long as you use it!


Thursday, January 8, 2009

tears of $$$

Ok folks, I am going to admit something I find hard to swallow, I am the worst will money. So much money has passed through my hot little hands I dare to say it would make you faint. Hubby is floored by how much I have had and spent. It is shocking the amount of pointless crap I have bought with out thinking. The Christmas I got divorced from my first husband, I went to the mall with over 4k in my pocket and came out broke, having spent it all on gifts. What was I thinking, and what do I continue to think.

When I turned 18, my folks said Happy Birthday, here is over 300k in a trust we have saved for you since birth... have fun! Well now I just shy of turning 39 and I have a little over $100 bucks in my pocket Hubby gave me this am and my bank is overdrawn. Damn damn damn! I am the worst! I have an upset stomach because of over 60k in bills (this includes both cars). How did it get this bad? Can I cry now?

Damn Oprah and her Best Life Week... Susie Orman was on my XM today... making me really think about how I have been so irresponsible with our money. Who do I think I am? What have I been doing all these years... I guess stuffing my self with tons of food and shopping for ton of crap to fill a void in my self esteem that in the end is unfillable.

In 2009, I need to create a plan of action to get myself out of the past debt and on path to stability. Susie says to be happy and fuffilled you need to live with truth. Damn, the scale and the spread sheet are a truth I can no longer denie. Besides food and a few basics, there is not one thing us or our kids need. This debt of $$$ and health is sufficating me! I want out!

Now back to work cleaning my preverable house.

God bless 2009!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Wordless Wednesday Week #1

New Year's Eve 2008

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

a day without the kids...

So today was the first day back to 'normal' with both kids @ the sitters. How nice to feel like I could breath for the first time in two weeks. The joke here is I ran around all day! On days when I am alone, I either putter/sew or I run around. It took me just shy of 30 minutes to return something at WalMart today. Crazy!

The one bright spot today was my weight loss meeting. (more about that in another post)

There has been so much talk about the Oprah weight loss/weight gain nuttiness. I have TiVo-ed this weeks episodes but have yet to watch them however I have listened to many of the topics on my XM radio. Oprah radio rocks! I have heard so much positive, life changing information in the past two years it is a shame I have yet to implement most of it into my life.

When I was in college, I remember vividly the image of Oprah walking out with her little red wagon of fat, proud for losing such a massive amount of her body weight in such a short time. Little did we, the impressionable tv watchers, know that she drank an unhealthy liquid shake and lost the weight in such a way she could never keep it off.

I love Oprah as much as the next 30/40 something American woman, yet I Have been oddly and unmistakeably scared by her ups and downs. In some ways I should be proud for her, the fact she keeps picking herself up and going for another ride on the diet roller coaster. Unfortunately this has left me feeling empty... like if Oprah, one of the smartest, richest, most influential woman on earth can't do it, how can I even hope to make my goals come true. There are 100's of people each year that make tremendous weight losses happen with out surgery, pills, cooks, trainers and expensive gym memberships. If they can do it, why can't Oprah??? What is so 'wrong' with her that she is incapable of doing as she is told, eating as she is told, and keeping her health a major focus. What is up with that?!?!?!?!

So this leads me to my big awakening, as with Oprah, I see my weight has little to do with what I eat and how I do not move enough. No my being overweight has everything to do with me being hurt, wounded, broken on the inside and food as a way to feed my internal emotional unhappiness. So simple really... no what?

Well I have a short answer... O.A. It may not be for everyone, but I think I may have found a place where I can really got some work done. How lucky am I to finally have found a place where I can be myself and find the tools to create a new me? I think VERY lucky!

So on that note, I am off to bed and I can't seem to keep my eyes open.

Nitght all!

a friend sent me this...

Happy 2009... again!

A dear friend sent me this.

I know it is not new, but it really gives you something to think about.


40 Tips For A Better Life - 2009

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2008.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured IN plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds, & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk, and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts, or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER, GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or e-mail them to death!)

37. Each night before you go to bed, complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life, so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Share this with those you care about. I just did. May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more, May nothing but happiness come through your door!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Not Me Monday Week #1

So I have not had MckMama's "Not Me Monday" button on my blog for MONTHS now... without participating. No, I am a faithful blogger! (Wait... you don't read 'My Charming Kids'? Oh my!)

To start out 2009 living creatively and with truth, here we go...

Please know I did not eat almost a whole pound of red and green M&M's over our New Year's trip to Michigan. I would have never stuffed my face like that, handful after chocolaty handful... yummy... so very yummy. But I would never know that, would I?

On my sewing table, I do not still have 7 teacher gifts, pot holder's for Mom and the quilt for my Husband's boss still needing to be completed. I mean honestly, Christmas we 2 weeks ago! I worked so hard yet just ran out of time. So I know what is on the top of MY list for 2009.

There are not two HUGE bags of laundry in our room that have been sitting there since before our trip. And whats more, there are not 3 others of CLEAN laundry that need to get put away. Really, I am the laundry goddess!

And lastly, I am not 100% totally excited that school starts again today and both kids will be at the sitters tomorrow. No, I would not be counting the hours, minutes, and seconds until the doors open at 9am. WOOHOO! wait, I did not just type that... :-)

So that is it for week one... go check out the other post's @ MckMama's... it will make you laugh until you don't cry... or wet your pants!


365 in 365

Hello... Welcome to 2009!

I am so please to be able to start this New Year with a renewed feeling of family and an urgency to make our lives better. The last few weeks of 2008 I was under medicated, creating a deep feeling of unrest. I picked up my fat butt, went to the DR and got new meds. What a difference a few extra milligrams Zoloft makes on a person and their family. Now I am much more grounded, less out of control. The meds have saved my life over and over but somehow I forget this until I run low, recreating my emotional upheaval. I would say never again, but I can only say as long as I can I will never doubt the power of medical intervention and the effects it has on my whole world.

The word of 2009 is CREATE. I will live, eat, breath CREATE.

Create a safer, cleaner home for my family.

Create food that nourishes with love as well as being healthy.

Create art... quilts, paper crafts, anything that will fill my soul with color.

Create health in my own self and my family.

Create a new body... by attending OA and living the steps.

Create a new number... walk on the treadmill, eat with my brain, and look to others for help.

Create a space in my heart for my husband as the kids have been #1 not our marriage.

Create stronger bonds... find new friends, strengthen old relationships, reconnecting with others.

Lastly.... I want to CREATE a blog that is a safe place for ME to look at my life and get feedback from others. The plan is to post everyday, being realistic that some days I may not make a post and others I may post 2 or 3 times. I will be working on some self-help reading as well as attending weekly OA meetings. (more on that later.)

So for now, lets remember 2008 and move on to 2009, the year of creating change.