Saturday, March 8, 2008

First off...

*So here is my first post. Not as grand as I would have hoped, but exciting none the less. I am in a totally state of self-change. I need to lose over 100lbs, my house in an ever evolving state of disorganization, and my mind spins faster then I can think. Recently I have begun getting a grasp on what I need to do to create a life for myself. I need to become a separate being from my role as a mother and a wife.

*The road to getting ME back is going to be complex, full of hard work, scrimping, finger pricks, and depravity.
But I have been thinking lately the reward is not in the cookie or the new hand bag but in the lack of indulging, the not spending, the reward IS the deprivation. This is going to be what saves my sanity, realizing I can be happy with less, be content without, find success through sacrifice.

*I had Gestational Diabetes at the end of my second pregnancy. Knowing this could lead to full fledged Type II Diabetes, I did nothing to change my gluttony or my sloth. A few days ago, I came across my glucose testing kit with strips that were about to expire. So feeling like gambling, I tested for two days and was amazed at how out of control my body had become. And the hard truth is I did it to myself! I knew being lazy and overeating could get me in trouble, but being stubborn I did nothing. Now I have a world of health issues needing to be addressed.

*I am at least 100lbs overweight. I have numbness and odd pains in my joints and extremities. I am exhausted all the time. My brain spins so crazy I can't think straight. I am irritable regardless of how much Zoloft I ingest. I want to sleep in the day but end up awake until 1am.
I am suffering.

*The fact that I know what to do and have yet to even think about change is what is saddest. I know how to turn all this around. I know how to fix so many of these issues with out even going to the doctor. But I sit on my big old butt and do nothing, not one little thing to make my life "better."

*Well that all stops! We are going on a family vacation in a week and the day after we return, I face the music. I am excited to be given the chance to grow up and get right with my body. I am excited to lose the weight once and for all. I am excited to become the woman I need to be for my children and for my husband.

*So it begins...